“C” is for Confusion


Confusion seems to be my constant companion these days – fuzzy brain, mind drift, feet going different directions and hands fumbling at tasks they have done for decades. What’s up with all that!?

I love to write, and I love to read. But somehow, now, writing takes a back seat, and I am hard pressed to move forward with it, whether it is this blog, snail mail letters (I have a new pen pal!) book reviews or grocery lists. In fact, I drag aforementioned feet, (that seem to go several directions at once and going nowhere,) to do the two tasks I set for myself today, scrub the bathroom and make dog biscuits.

The dog biscuits came out great. I made a few really big ones for the wonderful dog next door, Jessie. A love big mix, lab or retriever, chow-chow maybe (blue tongue) black long hair with white touches. As with most of the dogs that know me (Becca’s Kona, for one) I am the treats lady, so I try to make good healthy treats. These are not peanut butter, but chicken (with no sodium chicken broth) from a recipe that I  got from Tea Time magazine. (July August issue)

dog biscuits

The big ones are for Jessie! Dropped one hot out of the oven and Dixie took off with it – crazy dog.

OH. And I cleaned the bathroom. I clean it once a week superficially – toilet, sink, counters and shelves. But the bath/shower is a serious pain. I have to do it in starts and stops.

See what I mean? You are not interested in that blather. The real point is that illness and growing older has affected my abilities a lot. So now I make a list every night before going to bed. Not really a list. Two items. It was three items…

Sundays list

Sunday’s List is full of intention….

I got Make and Create done (which tells you my strong interests) and Finished got worked on but not yet completed (which tells you my weak point – finishing!)

Is confusion a bad thing? Oh yes. As with most elders, I remember my 30s well, working full-time, going to school, caring for two kids, one preschool and one 1st grade, keeping up with the home we owned, and spending time with my own elder parent. (My father died when I was 26) I HATE CONFUSION! It is a sign of weakness to me, the lack of strength and attention that I have had my entire life.

There are lots of reasons why, one being the amount of drugs (legal ones!) that I take and my long list of illnesses that have created the need for the drugs. My diabetes is “under control” but not nearly where it should be as far as blood sugar #s go. My Sjogren’s continually affects my mouth and eyes with dryness and has destroyed my teeth. And the fibromyalgia, well, that’s a main cause for the brain fogs. It is hard to stay focused when pain is your permanent companion. So perhaps I should put three things on my list every day, two tasks and one focus that remains the same, a constant one that reminds me to be gentle with myself, patient with my confusion, and attentive to my own needs,  smiling through it all, and to be the best “ME” that I can be.



About ReaderWoman

Professional reader and researcher for writers - Reviewer and Editor for online book review sites - AVID reader (well, duh!) writer, crafter (sewing, jewelry, fiber art) photographer, herb gardener, love to learn new things - Married 3842 years, 2 "kids" (now 34 and 36) and two grands (13 and 15) Born and raised California Girl, with stints in Tennessee, learning to speak Southern, and Arizona, learning that living in a trailer is NOT fun! Enjoy conversations with wine and chocolate, long walks and being with hubby and family. Life is good!
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2 Responses to “C” is for Confusion

  1. Mary Jo Doig says:

    I call it aging gracefully, Laura, an activity that becomes more challenging each year. I like the content of your To Do list a lot. For me, too, finishing is something I can easily postpone. All the best to you, Mary Jo

  2. pamela parker huff says:

    I sure can relate to your blog. With Chronic fatique and fibro it sure makes an impact on cognitive abilities. I guess we must be gentle with ourselves and bodies errgh

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