I am on forced relaxation today – because last night I did one of the “let’s not do that again” things that I am known for. We are rearranging furniture. We are done in the bedroom. Now the living room is under attack. Not a single piece of furniture in the room is where it was when I began this directorial, not to say dictatorial, task. My husband feels disenfranchised and has taken to muttering about slavery and substandard pay. He has also developed an alarming twitch – and it’s annoying as hell too. He’s doing it all to drive me mad, I swear it!
So, I was standing there, directing traffic, you know, “that needs to go there. NO, vacuum ‘there’ first! Jeez, can’t you tell it is backward? If you would listen the first 9 million times I say it you wouldn’t have to keep doing it trying to get it right!” As I was pointing and gesturing, I was watching Ellen DeGeneres out of the corner of my eye. I am very good at multi-taking!
Her guest, whose name I never heard, was demonstrating that most people cannot meditate or create a space or state of calm because their minds are running all over the place. How can you tell that you are in that mind frenzy place? Stand on one leg and close your eyes.
Yup. I can hear your groans and giggles from here.
Kadie, (the long hair doxie) was sitting at my feet, watching to see what the hell her strange human was doing. I summoned Ed’s attention. ( I will not repeat his comment…) I demonstrated. I started to fall. I could have caught myself, really! But, in the dreadful tilt, I stepped on Kadie’s tail hairs. Not her actual tail, mind you, but the overly-long-hair ends. She yelped and jumped, I tried to get off her tail (now remember, this is all happening in nano-seconds; I was on her tail with my right foot (which is the one I raised to demonstrate, apparently how woefully clumsy I am, and then slammed to the floor when I felt the tilt happening…) and falling to the left, scrabbling with my left foot to try to retain what little balance is left to me in this life.
Down I went. For those who don’t know me really well, I have had artificial knees since 2002. May to be exact. Both knees. The words ditz and dingbat can easily be used to describe me on a good day. Add wonky knees and over-enthusiasm and you have an accident waiting to happen!
DH panicking. Dogs are freaking out. I fell on a pile of dog blankets, all except my right knee. I’ve forgotten how painful rug burn is! I avoided all furniture, didn’t actually land on a dog at all, and suffered only the aforementioned rug burn and a seriously bruised sense of sanity (and balance!) Hubby is still frantic, “Are you hurt? What did you hit? Do you need help?” I am laughing. (okay, well I have an off-the-wall sense of humor!) Kadie is hiding behind the furniture, Dixie is on Ed’s chair with her head cocked in total bewilderment. What a gas, gas, gas!
But for now, the furniture moving is in abeyance. There are football games to watch, and books to read. My first fall of 2011! So glad I got it over with IN the house. Glad no one was hurt, and glad I have a sense of humor about the insanity that seems to reside in the dark recesses of my brain. Since I am left -handed, I have always insisted that I am in my right mind. Now… well… I’m not so sure!
🙂 Sometimes you feel like a nut – sometimes you don’t! 🙂