January 15, 2011 Relax


I am on forced relaxation today – because last night I did one of the “let’s not do that again” things that I am known for. We are rearranging furniture. We are done in the bedroom. Now the living room is under attack. Not a single piece of furniture in the room is where it was when I began this directorial, not to say dictatorial, task. My husband feels disenfranchised and has taken to muttering about slavery and substandard pay. He has also developed an alarming twitch – and it’s  annoying as hell too. He’s doing it all to drive me mad, I swear it!

So, I was standing there, directing traffic, you know, “that needs to go there. NO, vacuum ‘there’ first! Jeez, can’t you tell it is backward? If you would listen the first 9 million times I say it you wouldn’t have to keep doing it trying to get it right!” As I was pointing and gesturing, I was watching Ellen DeGeneres out of the corner of my eye. I am very good at multi-taking!

Her guest, whose name I never heard, was demonstrating that most people cannot meditate or create a space or state of calm because their minds are running all over the place. How can you tell that you are in that mind frenzy place? Stand on one leg and close your eyes.

Yup. I can hear your groans and giggles from here.

Kadie, (the long hair doxie) was sitting at my feet, watching to see what the hell her strange human was doing. I summoned Ed’s attention. ( I will not repeat his comment…) I demonstrated. I started to fall. I could have caught myself, really! But, in the dreadful tilt, I stepped on Kadie’s tail hairs. Not her actual tail, mind you, but the overly-long-hair ends. She yelped and jumped, I tried to get off her tail (now remember, this is all happening in nano-seconds; I was on her tail with my right foot (which is the one I raised to demonstrate, apparently how woefully clumsy I am, and then slammed to the floor when I felt the tilt happening…) and falling to the left, scrabbling with my left foot to try to retain what little balance is left to me in this life.

Down I went. For those who don’t know me really well, I have had artificial knees since 2002. May to be exact. Both knees. The words ditz and dingbat can easily be used to describe me on a good day. Add wonky knees and over-enthusiasm and you have an accident waiting to happen!

DH panicking. Dogs are freaking out. I fell on a pile of dog blankets, all except my right knee. I’ve forgotten how painful rug burn is! I avoided all furniture, didn’t actually land on a dog at all, and suffered only the aforementioned rug burn and a seriously bruised sense of sanity (and balance!) Hubby is still frantic, “Are you hurt? What did you hit? Do you need help?” I am laughing. (okay, well I have an off-the-wall sense of humor!)  Kadie is hiding behind the furniture, Dixie is on Ed’s chair with her head cocked in total bewilderment. What a gas, gas, gas!

But for now, the furniture moving is in abeyance. There are football games to watch, and books to read. My first fall of 2011! So glad I got it over with IN the house. Glad no one was hurt, and glad I have a sense of humor about the insanity that seems to reside in the dark recesses of my brain. Since I am left -handed, I have always insisted that I am in my right mind. Now… well… I’m not so sure!

Horrid Mess – Midway through the rearranging process. Sigh.

🙂 Sometimes you feel like a nut – sometimes you don’t! 🙂

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About ReaderWoman

Professional reader and researcher for writers - Reviewer and Editor for online book review sites - AVID reader (well, duh!) writer, crafter (sewing, jewelry, fiber art) photographer, herb gardener, love to learn new things - Married 3842 years, 2 "kids" (now 34 and 36) and two grands (13 and 15) Born and raised California Girl, with stints in Tennessee, learning to speak Southern, and Arizona, learning that living in a trailer is NOT fun! Enjoy conversations with wine and chocolate, long walks and being with hubby and family. Life is good!
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6 Responses to January 15, 2011 Relax

  1. susanideus says:

    Wow, we have the same style for re-arranging furniture–and surprisingly our husbands both have similar twitches…hmmmm…LOL! And I’m a total klutz even with original knees! 🙂

    Seriously, please take good care of yourself and rest for a day or two. {{hugs}}

    • ReaderWoman says:

      Watching the Pittsburgh/Baltimore game – still in my nightie! When Ed and I travel next Spring we will try try to come your way – I think our husbands should also meet so they can commiserate and be relieved of thinking they are the only ones with peculiar wives!

  2. Becca says:

    I would have been laughing, too! 😀 Love ya, momma!

  3. OMIGOSH…funny, funny, funny to read. I took my fall on December 3, 2010 while staying in a cabin in the woods, and I wrote about it, too, in a free-verse poem and illustrated it at http://bettyauchard.com/blog/?p=470. Right on the heels of that, I tripped over an electric cord the next day. On the third day I ran into the door and gashed my arm. Those clutzy moments bruised my pride as much as my body, and it takes a while to get over it.

  4. ReaderWoman says:

    I read that post of yours – and loved it – some time ago. I am glad someone out there knows what I am talkin’ about!

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