I live in a tiny house. I have written about my house before, so won’t wander off the topic now, just to say that I read an article in Better Homes & Gardens where they talked about this couple struggling with a little house – about three pages into the article they mentioned that the house was 1800 square feet. Little? Whoa Nellie!

We live in super-sized times. New houses are huge, set on tiny little lots where you can hear your neighbors gargling in the morning, or fighting when they get home from work. No yard to worry about though! Only room for a lap pool, if that. Meals at restaurants are often so large that they could easily feed a family of four, unless of course you are at a trendy restaurant that serves cuisine nouvelle, with tiny portions elegantly served, with the only big thing about it being the tab.

The economy is forcing many into smaller, more economic cars – yet I am bumfuzzled by the number of SUVs trolling around the streets in metropolitan areas. Gas-guzzlers, hard to park, expensive to insure, they hardly seem worth the cost and daily expense, unless you live in mud or snow year-round! I always smile when I see a Smart Car zip past – looking so tiny and efficient, yet leaving a feeling of “where is the rest of it” when it has gone past.

Houses, Cars, Meals – bigger is better. Or is it? This seems to be a new wrinkle on keeping up with the Jones’ – we can flash our money, our status, and our value by super-sizing our lives. We are an obese society as well – making me think back to Fiddler on the Roof – when the wife bemoans that they don’t have enough money so she can cultivate a “proper double chin.” Schools no longer routinely offer Physical Education, and the evolution of home gaming, and game systems makes it even harder to get kids out to exercise and play. I truly do remember leaving my house in the morning after breakfast in the summertime and only coming back for meals – rolling in around 5 after a full day of rough and tumble playing with the neighborhood kids.

A salt shaker the boys found - still with salt inside

I know some nostalgia is creeping in here, despite my best efforts to the contrary. Recently, when we had our grandsons for 5 days, they spent the whole day, everyday, prowling around our 10 acres. They found a “dump” site from the previous (Victorian Farmhouse) place here, and wallowed in great joy amongst old pieces of china, wood and mysterious metal gizmos. (And, yes, I did vet the place first – and in fact, as a crafter, insisted on purloining some of their finds for future projects!) They came in when I hollered, and fell happily to sleep at night, no game systems, and only a movie or two to entertain them inside!

I think super-sizing is a choice. A bad one, but still, a choice we each have to make. I have lived in large houses, and small ones, and found ways to enjoy them both. Right now I relish the simplicity of the small house. Easy to clean, inexpensive to heat/cool, and friendlier and cozier somehow. I am getting that way about my meals too, small in portion, simple in ingredients, and providing an intimacy and charm that a big meal doesn’t give. Don’t get me wrong, I love a honkin’ big Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings, but somehow our lifestyles today negate the value of the “occasional” big meal. And a homemade meal.

How can you start to back out of the mega-sized society we live in? Take a look at this wonderful list on Mother Nature Network. Think before making big purchases. Don’t stockpile things anymore. I mean, the money some families have tied up in garbage bags (600? Really!) or batteries is often ridiculous. Shop carefully for big-ticket items. The only place I intend to grow is in my knowledge of myself and in contributing to the small-is-better movement! How about you?

But the big question really has become – what is forgive and forget all about when it comes to family? Not where my daughter and I are concerned, but where past hurts and wrongs dwell, moldering in the once forgotten past? We as humans move on quickly in our lives, and as Americans, we have a tendency to forget the past and its lessons to us. This has become in-your-face clear to me with this latest snarl in my life. And come on, let’s be honest, even if forgiveness happens, unless the initial problem is based on frivolous causes, we don’t really ever forget. I’d like to think that this is because the lessons learned and remembered keep us from repeating our mistakes – but truly, I believe what it is belongs more to the realm of what the mind does, and is capable of doing.

I am angry that my daughter opened herself up to a relationship again with this family member, particularly since she was present and aware of the problems that caused the severance of the kinship links. And I am hurt that my daughter thinks so cavalierly of my past pain and unhappiness that she is willing to rake it up again, and remind me once more of the suffering this family member caused. And I am bewildered, because I would have liked to think that my family ties that are intact and strong (or strengthening) are more important to my daughter than a distant (both in time and place) relative that she has not seen for 15 years.

My daughter’s point of view is that she is an adult and can do what she wants. Indisputably true. Yet does this give her the right to do things that cause pain to others, just because she is an adult? And why would anyone want to open their heart and home to someone who has lied to, cheated, stolen from, and abused emotionally and financially, an elderly woman?! Where is the benefit in doing that? To me, it would be like accepting someone into your home who has served prison time for a heinous crime. You can feel sorry for the person, and even want the best for them, but you wouldn’t expose your children, your marriage, your lifestyle or your security to such a person, would you?

I did not go into all of this with my daughter. I let her know, briefly, succinctly and quite gently that I was not sure how I felt about her choice in this instance. I protected myself on Facebook by blocking this person, so I cannot see her comments, or have any contact with her. And I have come to the point that I figure that if my daughter wants to open up her life to someone who is negative, conniving and, to use another family member’s term, evil, it is indeed her choice. MY choice is how I handle, and channel, my anger and hurt. And since a falling-out with my daughter might mean a decreased access to my grandsons, I have to factor that in as well.

Forgive and forget. I am struggling, every day, to become a better person. I have chosen not to forgive this family member her transgressions, but since they were not directly against me, I am letting them go – lifting them up to the universe for resolution. http://www.oprah.com/spirit/8-Ways-to-Forgive-and-Forget has given me some insight to this process, as have friends who have listened to me rant, rave, and cry over yet another tear in the fabric of the tenuous mother-daughter bond. I was wrong to judge my daughter’s choice, although I still believe that this relative is not a person I would accept or cherish in my life. Forgiving my daughter for the pain she visited on me may take a little longer, but it will come. She is precious to me, and as I get older, I value my children more and more. My son is simply the best son a parent could ask for, so I will bask in that relationship, and strive to bring more sunshine and light to my fragile relationship with my daughter. It is all I can do.

]]> http://readerwoman.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/family-and-forgiveness/feed/ 2 readerwoman motto http://readerwoman.wordpress.com/2012/01/11/bookmark-topics-a-window-into-the-soul/ http://readerwoman.wordpress.com/2012/01/11/bookmark-topics-a-window-into-the-soul/#comments Thu, 12 Jan 2012 05:58:39 +0000 ReaderWoman http://readerwoman.wordpress.com/?p=950 Continue reading →]]> From October on I had one problem or another involving my computer. First, it was a couple of months before we could line up an internet connection that we wanted, one without cable, satellite, landline or other gizmo to complicate our lives! We got AT&T, with which we are quite pleased. We have wireless through the phone lines – without a phone line. Totally rad!

Secondly, my laptop (which is actually a netbook and close to being the electronic love of my life…) was unlucky enough to score a virus – even though I have virus protection and a husband that is really savvy about computers. Eventually we saved all my files, but we forgot to save my bookmarks before we purged and reset to factory condition. No one’s fault – neither of us even thought about it!

So… I had to start over again. As the last month has evolved, I have changed browsers (from Firefox to Google Chrome) and learned how to use it. And, I have created a new set of bookmark folders. Every time I want to bookmark a page it goes in a specific folder. I seem to have changed a bit in what I want to save, and how the bookmark folders are laid out and configured.  So I figure the virus was a virus geared not really to destroy my computer, but to move me from 2011 to 2012 and open my mind up to the possibilities of a new year.

My folders are delineated thusly:

• Blogs
• Books
• Crafts (crochet, craft ideas, craft products, sewing, kids crafts and Silhouette Cameo are the sub folders in that file set)
• Feminism (Spiritual as a sub folder)
• Organizational (as in “getting organized”)
• Poultry (because I want chickens and ducks this Spring!)
• Professional (SCBR and Bobby as sub folders – my current professional projects; Story Circle Book Reviews and Robert F. Bradford, whose stories and plays I am working on getting published)
• Recipes
• Study (topics that have attracted me in the new year… So far, Urban Homesteading,  Green Festivals in California, Sabermetrics and the philosophy of Finding Time)
• Wish List (things for home, mostly electronic, that I want… soon, or maybe… later?)

Statue of Psyche by Bertel-Thorvaldsen

Looking through my bookmarks gives a deep look into me…my psyche, my interests, what enthuses me, interests  me, intrigues me and motivates me into learning new things, approach new topics and continually pursue enrichment. It isn’t because I want a college degree, or to enter quilt contests, sell expensive handcrafts or become a speaker on behalf of feminism, spirituality, sabermetrics, chicken breeds or anything else. I do it because I can. Because I enjoy it. Because it stimulates me, and provides me with outlets that make me, perhaps not a better person, but a more evolved and interesting one.

Our time here, our human life span, is short. My absorption of learning, new experiences, reading, writing,  researching, allow me to grow. So… yes, my bookmarking system reflects not only who I am, but who I would like to become. Is it perhaps time for my readers to evaluate their own bookmarks? Their filing systems, their own  feelings and sentiments about what they enjoy, seek out and are enriched by?

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,200 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

My husband is 67. Born in 1944 to very traditional parents – a father who was a lifer in the Navy and a mother who was a homemaker who had no college education or interests in life besides family and home (Kinder, Küche, Kirche.) She raised her children traditionally, with the prejudices, viewpoints and traditions of her generation.  (DOB 1922) By the way, I am a homemaker myself, and do NOT disapprove of the Kinder, Küche, Kirche way of life. But I am well-read, interested in a plethora of things, and constantly striving for self-improvement and, even, enlightenment. My Mother-in-Law was not one of those kinds of people. She was what my friend Joan calls a “young soul.”

My husband remembers being scolded, by his Uncle, while living in Philadelphia (Ed was born there) about playing with black children. It was acceptable on the corner baseball lot, but for Pete’s sake, you don’t bring “them” home with you to play! My Father-in-Law, due to his military experiences, didn’t seem to have such well-defined prejudices – but he wasn’t around much, and the family stayed stateside throughout his tours of duty.

My husband doesn’t have those kinds of prejudices. What his mother, unfortunately, taught him was that housework was “women’s work.” He has never done any inside housework without being asked first. Then he does it, cheerfully enough, but he never volunteers. He DID step up when I was in treatment for and recovering from cancer; did the dishes, fed the dog, fed me (I am kinda tired of PBJ, to this day…) and did laundry. That all stopped when I was back on my feet. So imagine my surprise when I got up this morning to a clean kitchen! Well, I always wake up to a clean kitchen, since doing the dishes and tidying up our little place is a before-bedtime routine. But I was headachy last night, and after putting the dishes in to soak (yep, no dishwasher here but me!) I said $%^&* it, and went to bed.

Ed doesn’t listen (but that is a rant for another post!) well, so my mutterings about the mess in the kitchen fell, I thought, on deaf ears. You need to know that my husband has wife deafness, not an actual hearing impairment. He is capable of hearing, just not listening… He doesn’t multitask well. Which is why I love car rides, because he is sort of a captive audience…

But this time, he was listening. When I staggered out this morning he had already been up for several hours. And the dishes were done! I was delighted and touched that he had done it, and then even a little doubtful and suspicious, long time wife that I am (38 years in Feb!) wondering if he was up to something. Nope. Just being helpful. Wow.

My husband also is not good at apologies. Yet he is starting to realize that I don’t ask for much, but when a problem occurs that lies at his door, I appreciate a sincere “I’m Sorry” to a fained ignorance of the problem. So you can teach an old dog new tricks, apparently!

I did not marry Ed for his housekeeping skills, his income, his ability to apologize or any other ephemeral talents. I married him because he made me laugh (after a previous marriage filled with pain and angst,) he was reader, enjoyed our daily times together, walking, working, or talking. I strongly believe that you should not try to change the person you are with – that is their task. Don’t marry or hook-up with someone who drives you insane, for they won’t make the changes you want, and you will end up bitter and frustrated. Change yourself, learn acceptance and appreciation of the good points.

Sometimes, you may find, as I have, that the changes you wanted in the other DO happen because the love you share creates a desire to please you, to comfort you, to take care of you. *That* is not a male or female trait. It is a partnership trait. I love this quote:

“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude.”

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction” Antoine de Saint Expury (French Pilot, writer and author  of ‘The Little Prince’ – 1900-1944)

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, for we are imperfect beings. But in looking outward together, we have learned a lot about each other, life, our interests, our family and our wishes for one another. I have regrets in my life, who doesn’t!? But marrying Ed isn’t one of them.

* Lyrics to the song

You’ve got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught
From year to year,
It’s got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You’ve got to be carefully taught!

“…Don’t Make Her Responsible For Her Own Orgasms, Too!…”

Today, I have voted this quote into my own personal library of great lines – and the title of this blog is in the top 10. It was the last line in Monday night’s (repeat) episode of The Big Bang Theory. I don’t watch The Big Bang Theory. In fact, I don’t LIKE The Big Bang Theory! (NO, The Big Bang Theory and Fox are NOT reimbursing me for saying The Big Bang Theory repeatedly…) But it was on right before the show I DO like, Fox’s Terra Nova. Call me one-dimensional and shallow… I like dinosaurs and starting a new life themes and Drs. with cute accents… I adore watching men kick in doors (heavy ones) and little girls raising unusual pets and teen-aged angst… I like these dot-dot-dots too – ellipsis as they are properly called.

Okay. Why did I love that line from The Big Bang Theory? I only have the vaguest idea what the plot was, I only fuzzily knew the characters’ relationships. But I am a feminist. I am outspoken and often profane. And I remember Donna Reed and Harriet Nelson and their ilk. (Lovely word, ilk…) I like people (men or women) who speak their minds. But I am mostly proud of the fact that women and minorities can stand up for their rights; politically, socially, locally, orgasmically. They don’t always GET those rights, but they have the right and the responsibility to stand up for them! Feminist or not, I love to cook, and make a home for my family, and be little Suzie Homemaker. But I made a conscious CHOICE.

I have always hated the term housewife – as the saying goes, I am not married to a house! Homemaker isn’t much better, which is why I sardonically used the term “Suzie Homemaker.” The classic picture still graces websites, cookbooks and novels; I just saw the covers of Jessica Seinfeld’s cookbooks. (look on Amazon for a peek at what the covers look like) “Domestic Engineer?” Give me a break. I am all for gender equality in the use of words – I LOVE saying “Our Father and Mother who art in Heaven…” in the Lord’s Prayer when I attend church, but some political correctness has gone too far.  Appropriateness and sensibility need to rear their heads these days – ye gads! Sorry. Wrong Soap Box.

Tons have been written about women’s rights in the home (or, as they say, A woman’s place is in the House. AND in the Senate…) However, that isn’t really the path I thought I was taking with this topic… I was applauding the growth of women, and to a lesser degree, minorities, in the roles they play on TV or in the movies. Donna Reed’s pantry of kitchen-bound women gave way to Mary Tyler Moore, That Girl, and shows such as Friends and the gender/race equality shows of the 1980s, 90s and beyond. Dark Angel was fantastic – a strong woman who was genetically engineered!  Give me strong sassy women with a mouth on ‘em any day! I think I wanna be Betty White when I grow up!

I was raised in a feminist household with 3 plus 1 older (not allowed to say bigger!) sisters (including our adopted/foster-sister Betty Anne – who has saved my ass more times than I care to admit) and a strong, albeit sensible/sensitive Dad, and a sensible/sensitive, albeit strong, Mother. They were not swearers. Even in my adulthood, I never heard anything worse than damn or hell, under extreme provocation. We weren’t encouraged to swear. Yet they gave me all the encouragement I ever needed to think for myself, and be responsive (and responsible) whenever I can, for what I say and do – including what I do for/to others. So I take the blame fully for my choices. However, being able to say orgasm (or write it) in public is glorious. My mother would not have done so – but she would have (probably!) accepted my choice to do so! I understand the lesson she tried to drum into me – “people who swear do so because they don’t have the vocabulary to use other more appropriate words.”

Yet words such as orgasm are perfectly valid words. Perhaps not at the dinner table, coming out of a pre-teen’s mouth, or used every other word, like many comedians use the word fuck… sigh… And as with frequent use, at least for me, DOES mean familiarity breeds contempt. I know many of you will agree that being able to cuss or say words like boob on TV are not exactly forward thinking or epoch-breaking intellectually, but my TRUE point is that when you stop dramatizing role-related behaviors and accepted mores (women don’t swear, men don’t cry, all blacks are poor single parents…) life becomes more enjoyable and more valuable. Just because I have the right to make these choices, doesn’t mean my choices are always good ones, or the right one in any given set of circumstances. It just means they are mine.

Those of you who know me well, know I AM likely to say to my son, as the character did in The Big Bang Theory, “Don’t make her responsible for her own orgasm! (too)” and he is very likely to respond, “bite me!” Ain’t the 21^st Century GRAND?!

(This tongue in cheek blog brought to you by the letter F and the color black… stay tuned for a return to sanity (maybe) during the next blog post. Be sure to check out my craft blog too!)

Delicious though. As usual, I put long strands of fresh homegrown rosemary between the skin and the bird, and smeared the skin with EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil)  which I had set out overnight with lavender, rosemary, thyme and oregano, to soak in their herbal richness. I never stuff the bird, preferring to bake the dressing separately… so I put a can of peaches inside for moisture and flavor. Well, I took the peaches OUTTA the can first….

DH was commenting on my intense preparations – dessert and sweet potatoes prepared the night before, and I was up at 8am fixing the dressing, and preparing the bird… he said that he could hear me chanting to myself, and making myself “one with the turkey.”  We had a good laugh over that, but I found myself thinking about gratitude and contentment with my lot in life. I love our new home and its location – and am always content to be with my two favorite fellas. (Even though there was WAY too much football happening!) It was actually kind of fun, being one with the turkey. Having raised turkeys for the holidays (called Thanksgiving and Christmas, or TG and Chris) we know 1) how much work goes into raising poults into full-sized turkeys and 2) how incredibly stoopid domestic turkeys are compared to wild ones.

I found a lovely poem online by Melody Beattie, about Gratitude. I read it out loud at the dinner table, following my lovely mother’s tradition – she used to read the presidential Thanksgiving proclamation every year, and we went around the table and said what we were grateful for… I don’t trust my emotions, or my son’s – to get through that tradition any more, as I miss my parents a great deal – but this poem hit home for me, and spoke to my heart. I share it with you here – to remind you that most of my readers are fortunate in their lives, and we all need to remember the value of being grateful for what we have!

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough,

And more

It turns denial into acceptance,

Chaos to Order,

Confusion to Clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast,

A house into a home,

A stranger into a friend.

Gratitude makes sense of our past,

Brings peace for today,

And creates a vision for tomorrow.

Melody Beattie

At first, my current gap in having internet availability 24/7 was irritating in the extreme, to say the least! But I realize that the boredom and cabin fever (trailer fever?) trends in my life were creating an artificial need to be online that could be salved by other things! I do need to be online regularly, to post blogs, submit reviews, touch bases with family and friends, and do research for work-related things. But these things can be scheduled, and I can do a lot of things at home, and then have things ready to upload when I AM online!

So… I am enjoying my life, being back in California – Arizona was a learning experience, certainly – and I have that much more clarity about myself – which is amazing given the adage about teaching old dogs new tricks!  I learned I don’t like living in a trailer, on wheels, for although I have lived in mobile homes, a travel-type trailer is a whole different ball of wax! I learned I don’t like excessive heat, especially the kind that is plus 100° or even plus 110° for days and even weeks, on end. Accompanied by wind and dust storms, (haboobs) this was, for me, a hellish experience! I don’t like being housebound (or, in this case, trailer bound) by extremes of weather. I like more freedom to make choices about my days, and my activities, rather than have the parameters set by physical living circumstances. I am grateful to those who made this (Arizona) experience happen, yet, back in California, in the upper middle part of the state, I am finding yet another new life.

My new home is small, yet highly functional – and as I unpack books that have been in storage for almost a year, and see my family treasures emerging from dust and packing paper, I am more aware than I have been for a while about my connectivity to my parents, my grandparents and my adult children and grandchildren. Antecedents and Descendants! I have pictures on my fridge that my grandsons drew, and paintings that belonged to my grandmother, and then my mother, before me. Rhythm, continuity, footsteps to follow and paths to show. My own crafts are finding their niches, and my treasures are clustered in new ways, in new places, yet inspiring the same spirit of contentment and belonging that they did in other homes, apartments and mobile homes.

Our rental is part of an estate; a man in his 60s who understands the value of family, place, history and relationships. The property has been in his family since the 1930s; in a previous home (a Victorian Farmhouse I would have liked to have seen!) on the property his grandmother raised ten children. He has just finished setting up his will for his daughter and her children, to save the property in perpetuity for family. I look out my bedroom window, and see an olive orchard. My open front door shows pasture, with a barn and horse stalls where I hope to run a small flock of chickens come Spring. There is a quietness here, despite a busy road nearby, that creates a different tune for me, new and yet familiar and evocative.

I sometimes wish I had done things differently, and had more to leave my offspring. But we tried to give them a diverse and interesting childhood, with travel, theater, concerts and art as part of their lives. So perhaps those treasures, when combined with the boxes of family photos, the memorabilia of the past, and our somewhat skewed and unique outlooks on life will be enough for our children to retain a sense of time and space, of family and future, of past and future. After, roots and wings is what it is what I want my children to have…

I have made new friends on FB – Rhys, a talented, funny mother of four in Queensland, AU. And Gabby, a gamer who has taught me much about living life to the fullest. And then there are my Susans. All members of Story Circle Book Reviews, I have shared their ups and downs as well; one Susan is living through her husband’s struggle with brain cancer, another finding out that being retired, on a retiree’s income is not what she had envisioned. There is Susan the writer, who shares her path in creating a new book, and who has become a mentor of sorts, helping me be a better writer and editor. These women live in Colorado, New Mexico and Texas, and I have never met them in person. But they enrich my life, make me laugh, and create a secure place for me to grow as a person. FB makes this possible.

I keep up with family on Facebook too; the zany teenager that is my grand-niece, the multi-talented author, musician, professor that is my sorta-brother-in-law, my two children, whose lives are so busy and full that reading their status on FB sometimes is the only way I know what is happening in their day-to-day lives. I play a form of scrabble with my husband and son on FB too, as well as following the Occupy Wall Street movement, Willie Nelson’s TeaPOT Party news, gardening updates and crafty ideas.

And, speaking of gardening updates, I recently had the chance to read an e-book published by a new acquaintance on Facebook, Sheri Ann Richerson. Sheri lives in Indiana, and her homesteading path reminds me of  my own, some 30 or so years ago. She calls her endeavor “Exotic Gardening Farm and Wildlife Habitat” The information on her FB page for her farm says, in part,

“The owners of Exotic Gardening Farms and Wildlife Habitat believe in self-reliance and doing things the old fashion way. From weaving to spinning to soap making, our crafts are made with pride and care using items grown and raised on our farm whenever possible.

Our items are handmade with care using as many items as possible from our own farm. We feed our animals certified organic feed and do not use pesticides, herbicides or other chemicals on our animals or land.”

So without further ado, I want to review the first of the two books from her, which encourages others to take her path in enjoying gardening and do-it-yourself-on-the-homestead techniques.

101 Secret Gardening Tips
By Sheri Ann Richerson
LifeTips Organic Garden Expert Guru

This is look at tips that you may be aware of, but have never applied, ideas that somehow have missed your radar, and concepts that will make your own garden a place of beauty and enjoyment. Just a look at the Table of Contents makes me tired – Sheri’s ideas and tips encompass a wide range of homestead skills…

Table Of Contents

• Author Note
• Herb Harvesting And Storing Tips
• Edible Flowers And Unique Foods
• Essential Oil Distillation
• Natural Flavorings
• Natural Perfumes
• Aromatherapy
• Natural Beauty
• Body Products
• Soaps And Shampoos
• Crafts, Wreaths, Jewelry
• Household Cleaning Products
• Natural Pet Care

Are you needing/wanting to know what herbs are best preserved by freezing? One is basil – and Sheri discusses more as well. She tells you not only what to freeze, but how, and then, how to use the herbs in recipes.

Want to find some interesting recipes to try? Sheri can help. One recipe is a delightful one from a 1953 Dairy Goat Journal for Goat Milk Honey Candy. Another, for Rose Petal Jelly brings back memories of making my own organic jelly from my own roses in the 1970′s.  Interested in creating your own essential oils? Ms. Richerson can give you the steps, process and creation of essential oils from your own garden. Sheri gives you ideas on creating your own aromatherapy gardens, filled with both classic plants such as lavender and rose, and special herbs, such as chamomile and citrus scents.

Making soap, potpourri, Christmas gifts, remedies for your pets and more are covered in this compendium of garden delights. When I first looked at the book, I just glanced through the whole thing; I dabbled in this section, and enjoyed new ideas in that one. Then I read the book, from “cover to cover,” as it were. I am not much of a e-book person, and only read on my laptop, not having an e-reader, nor plans to get one anytime soon. But this book, a Kindle edition, is available to read on your computer, with a free PC program. Best of all, having it on your computer allows you the opportunity to have it available for reference at any time. And believe me, once you browse through the pages of  101 Secret Gardening Tips you will want to try some of the many recipes, techniques and plans she shares.

So there you have it. My life online, and a review of a really interesting e-book!  Hope you will go to Amazon and buy Sheri’s book – it is available for only 99 cents! WELL worth it. And visit Sheri on Facebook, and learn more about her. Thanks for joining me today on Readerwoman Redux – we are moving back to CA on Thursday, so I will not be writing for a couple of weeks – but I’ll be back with news of the move, our new place, and ideas I have implemented from 101 Secret Gardening Tips!

For many years, I have tried to practice some form of alternative giving. To me, this actually means an “alternative” to commercialism. To others, it may mean charitable giving rather than a physical present. However you view it, Alternative Giving means that you are making a conscious choice to NOT buy (literally and figuratively) into the commercialism of the season.

I was raised a Christian, and although my faith leans more toward spiritual feminism these days, and my form of “Pagan Christianity”, my Methodist and Family traditions are important to me. My upbringing encompassed being aware of the needs of others, and the concept of giving of self.  Your choices may be different, but the basics are that you do not buy from a toy company, online, from large commercial companies (think big box stores – don’t want to name any names here!) ~ that is my challenge to you, as my readers!

Here are some of the things I am doing this year to embrace the meaning of the season – giving of self.

1. Making homemade gifts. These include crocheted items, handcrafted items, baskets of either home-baked goodies or of DIY jars for making baked goods at the recipient’s leisure. Here are two samples of what I mean:

You may have seen this on my crafter’s blog – it is a variegated ripple/wave shawl. I will be giving this to my eldest sister. She is 13 years older than I, and is has an elderly husband (14 years older than her!) and is raising two teenaged grandchildren. I want her to feel my warmth and love when she wraps this around her!

Gifts in a jar! These frugal consumable gifts feature bath salts, cookie ingredients, holiday beverage mixes, baking mixes or bean soup fixings layered in a glass canning jar, or Mason jar… and decorated joyfully, including a recipe or instructions for use. These will go to neighbors and friends, sometimes with a plate of cookies! Organized Christmas has a great page on ideas.

2. I will be giving to charity. This does not necessarily mean a monetary gift, but will encompass both handmade and donation type giving. I have shawls to donate to my sister’s charity (read about it here and check out the Facebook page for Oma Village ) and hope to promote her one-woman-grass-roots-movement to end homelessness in Marin County, CA. Other charitable endeavors of mine include Heifer Project - I love to “give” the gift of farm animals in my grandsons’ names; Habitat for Humanity, a marvelous organization which helps build decent affordable  homes, and gives the opportunity to volunteers and donors to give however the can. This includes their Re-Stores, where you can buy new and used building materials; and Kiva, loans that change lives.

3. I buy from alternative giving fairs, or providers. These are organizations such as SERRV Gifts that make a difference, ethical fair trade gift and crafts products from a range of developing countries. Alternative Gifts International has been in existence for 25 years, and is a marvelous source of  gifts of food, shelter, trees, gardens, medicines around the world since 1986. You can order a print catalog from them, or view it online.

4. I try to embrace alternative celebrations alongside my alternative giving. You can find ideas for alternative giving for just about all holidays and special days – to move yourself and your family beyond the usual commercialize pabulum. Simple Living has some superb ideas on its site, including (at this link) ideas for alternative celebrations. You can download all kinds of information at their site as well. I have used Alternatives’ Treasury of Celebrations for years, and I love the ideas it presents.

If you have children or grandchildren, help them learn the joys of giving to others by including them in your plans. Have a family meeting, and talk about what you can do as a family. If you are a member of a church or organization, attend a board meeting and suggest an alternative giving faire – or a fundraiser for Heifer and other fine charities. Remember, Children Learn what they Live. Teach your children that the holidays are NOT about receiving, but about giving. It may take some time to change how you do things, but new traditions can, and should, evolve, and along the way, you will be helping your children (or grandchildren) to grow into thoughtful helpers in the world.

Our world is a troubled, fractured place. Open your heart to the possibilities, and your hands to those less fortunate than yourself.

Open your hands and give